I know that you all already know this, but this is the first time that I've blogged about it. We're pregnant! And as you can see from picture number 3 above, its a little boy!You know what? This has been a pretty hard go for me. I don't really understand it and that's another reason why its so hard. I thought that being pregnant was going to be the most amazing thing. I thought that I would be so excited. But to tell you the truth I have really really struggled. The first 6 weeks were a cake walk, but every day after that has literally been miserable. How come none of you other pregnant women ever told me this before I got pregnant? Maybe I just wasn't listening? Maybe you just wont ever understand until you experience it first hand? I don't know! But I was seriously blind sided. Once I hit week seven I got so sick! Lucky for me it was usually only for a second at the beginning of the day (for two weeks I couldn't brush my teeth without throwing up) and then I was able to go to work and be productive (I only missed a few days, which is crazy because of how sick I have been), and then I'd come home and the show would begin. I would try and eat something, but everything sounded NASTY to me, and then I would sit ever so still so as not to disrupt my stomach, then much to the dismay of my efforts, my stomach would literally flop and I would spend the next 10-15 minutes in the bathroom. And no I wasn't just nauseous, I was violently hacking up whatever was in my stomach. Sometimes I thought that my eyes were going to pop out of my skull! I have a wrinkle on my forehead from this, and my teeth hurt because I now grind my teeth! Now physically this is all nasty, and it was to experience as well, but what I wasn't at all prepared for was how it affected me mentally and emotionally. I would cry and cry because of how I felt, and how depressed I was becoming. To the point where I would question if I really wanted a baby! (which is horrible to admit, but this is important). Cory has been the best person in the whole wide world. He has never once told me that I needed to pull it together, he would just hold me and not hold me (when that made me nauseous) and he was so kind to me even when I wasn't in return. I have never loved him more than I do now.
Things have gotten a little better. I have days where I go for 3, 4, and my record, 6 days without throwing up. And I'm grateful for that time, because then I get the chance to actually think about this little guy inside of me. On the days that I do get sick, I don't get so emotional afterwards, and I don't question things (which I honestly can say has been an answer to many of my prayers). And I'm finally starting to show a LITTLE bit. I know that the pregnant belly will happen, but I've noticed that a lot of the reason that I haven't felt super excited yet, is because it hasn't seemed real yet. So I look forward to a little belly bump, you know, so that I can start FEELING like there is a reason for all of this sickness.
I know what you're all thinking. MAN, WHAT A BABY! How Silly is she being!!! And you know what? I know! Sometimes I want to smack myself across the face and say... "PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER!" but you know what? I am learning important lessons from this time in my life. I have felt the Spirit so strong, and I have felt my Heavenly Father bless me. I've noticed those small things. And so for that, in a strange way, I'm grateful for this experience.
Things really are starting to feel better. I know that those horrible nights will end. I know that magically in the morning I will feel better. I know that Cory is going to be an amazing dad! He has been more than excited for the both of us. And you know what? I think that here in the very near future I will start to get to be a part of that excitement.
For those of you who are worried about me (AHEM Mom and Sarah (and probably many more)) thank you for your prayers and for your love. I am being blessed and I really am so grateful that my Heavenly Father has given me the opportunity to be a mom. I know that this is all worth it!
Just a side note. Cory's mom was extremley ill in all 3 of her pregnancies, so maybe... just maybe... this is the price I must pay so that my baby will have those AMAZING WATERS eyes! ha ha ha.... but even if not, he'll be perfect anyways!
